Married fast? Too late? Completely stuck :/

[Mozza]

Complex - I'll add my voice to that of Sandi, UpperCu and Little. It's more likely than not that she has someone else already, either an EA or PA.

When my W announced that she wanted to separate, I asked her if there was someone else. She had just started a new job and had been telling me about 3-4 guys at work who were really nice with her. She said there was no one. I asked "Not even in your heart?" and she said no. I told her it was very hard for me (she cheated on me with a colleague 5 years ago) but I would believe her. I asked her again a week later, and she denied it again, this time with irritation. Message: don't get close to that topic again. She knew I was trying not to upset her in any way. She wanted me to know that it was all about our R, not about an OM. We were not compatible, period.

The name of a colleague kept popping up often in her stories: he was giving her little gifts, inviting her to lunch, asking her questions, helping her find an apartment, buy and assemble furniture, etc. After she moved out, he was at her place 4-5 days a week. Then, just over a month after she left me, the kids told me he was there in the morning. A week later (1.5 month after she left), she announced that she was going out with him. He's moving in with her in January.

So, what do you think: my W was honest and didn't have anyone, this colleague came out of the blue in the week after she left me and they developed a romantic relationship much to their mutual surprise? Or perhaps she was lying to me all along?

The WAS has found a drug: infatuation. You've been like that not long ago when you met her. Did anything else matter in the world? No. You'd find the most efficient way of getting rid of things that got in the way. Even using lies. What does it matter? She's leaving you, so she has no loyalty to you anymore. By the way, your W has a track record with you of getting madly in love real quick and making an immediate commitment.

Speaking of morals, fidelity is crucially important to my W. She was cheated on when in college and it almost drove her to suicide. She loved me in part because there was no question I'd be faithful. She'd often speak about it and felt awful about what she did 5 years ago. You'd never think that this woman would cheat, yet she did.

Some of the clues there's an OM.
- It's happening real fast.
- There's no turning back, nor arguing with her decision. No work on M.
- It's all your fault.
- They deny and try to avoid the topic of OM.

If you read my sitch, you'll see that I waited until I had serious evidence, staying in denial. The downside is that it took me a long time to understand what I was dealing with and develop an appropriate response. Be wiser than this.