Married fast? Too late? Completely stuck :/

[UpperCu]

Complex, I get how you're feeling. Your whole world has just been turned upside down. You are on an emotional roller coaster as the waves and waves of reality sink in of what her leaving means for you and your life. You're seeing your life with her slip away and you're trying to hang on to anything you can grasp.

Stop.

Sandi is right on. Sorry, but her telling you about that guy at work is the gentle way of saying she has found someone else. She has probably had sex with another man. Who isn't you. She is a good person, but she has done something bad. Something awful. I'm so sorry. You know this thought is hiding there in the back of your mind, but you haven't connected all the dots just yet.

I (and I'm sure Sandi) hope to be wrong wrong about this, but the warning signs are all there...

In my sitch, I first discovered my wife had a "friend" at work she had feelings for when I found what seemed to be an innocent email between him and her. I flat out asked her 3-4 times if they had sex. She said no each time and accused me of being ridiculous and a jerk. All the blame was placed on me. I wanted to believe her. She is a good, moral, christian person. She often called out others who had affairs or cheated on bf/gfs/etc. But, I did some digging and found out she cheated on me. I was in shock that she had flatly lied to my face multiple times! I was in utter disbelief. The person I had known for 15 years completely turned into a stranger overnight.

My W got "caught" and hadnt hid anything very well, and I found out about the affair within 2 weeks of when it started. Since your W has told you about her feelings already, chances are she has cleaned up her trail already. Deleted Internet history, probably has a 2nd cell phone, has changed passwords, etc.

Sure, think what you want. Sandi and I are wrong, she didn't cheat.

But sorry bud, all the signs are there... Prepare yourself for what you may find out.

WAWs ALWAYS have a place to land. Unless she is moving in with a girlfriend or family member, she is probably scheming a new life with OM.

Your best approach right now is to find out the TRUTH. Then, swallow your pride and face that truth. If she is having an affair or not, your next move is going to need to consist of you getting a life (GAL), stopping the pursuit/chasing/begging/etc, and dropping the bomb on her that you're NOT okay with the disrespect and lies.

It sounds like she sees you as a pitiful, vulnerable person. She is "helping" you out with your citizenship/green card issues, she is being nice about you visiting family, etc.

From a poker player to a poker player... Next time she texts you, my suggestion would be to respond with a bluff:

Just say "I know everything. Merry Christmas."

And don't respond to anything, no matter what she says in response. If she has a guilty conscience, you just might find your truth. If she doesn't have a guilty conscience, the text won't even matter. You can just text her again a day or two later "oh I meant to say I know everything will be ok."

You can get through this Complex. We're all rooting for you.