Busting this Divorce - 90 Days NC #2

[HPoirot]

So again a decision...

25 who has been incredible helping me see and admit my failings and my A to my W would tell me to say "so what?" and keep it moving.

Then I have this from Wonka for me to express myself bravely and authentically... "W, you've said this several times. To me, it is meaningless because if one is sincere in their apology, then effort would have been made to change the behavior that is causing damage to the family...especially to our marriage. I'm not seeing any genuine actions from you to end things with the OM completely. We are in this situation precisely because I am NOT willing to continue to live in an open marriage. You've made a choice where there's consequences. Very serious indeed. So don't talk to me like this....it's insulting."

This will send W over the edge again. Consequences. So what?

It's Christmas Eve I think. I'll give it a few minutes to decide. Then I'm thinking I'll send the text. Not sure what it will do except let her know I'm not rolling over to be a cuckold happily co-parenting our son.

[claire7]

So... you want to unhappily co-parent? You want to be adversaries? How would that affect your son?

This is where detachment is really really important, I think.

I think Wonka's message is awesome . Though I wonder if that last bit comes off as controlling: "don't talk to me like that"

You can't control what she says, but you can tell her that you find it insulting when she says that. A subtle difference, but maybe important in this case? I dunno. Curious what others think.

[HPoirot]

Thank you Claire for reminding me. Honestly, right now I'm empty and numb. Far from detached. Our shared calendar now says W won't pick up S11 today. She'll come late tomorrow. Time then to dust myself off.

And I haven't sent the text. I want to... but I'm not sure for the right reasons. So maybe I'll just take care of me today.

I just read Pink's last post. I want to get there... as detached and in control as she was with her H. That was a wonderful story. I want to post a wonderful story here. That is my goal. To make one wonderful story to post. Soon.

[Wonka]

HP,

I think you've seen W go off the edge when you are firm and push back. Like Sandi said previously, your W is acting like a spoiled brat who restores to hysterics to get her way and get you to capitulate. In my mind, W needs ice cold water to be thrown to her face to shock her out of the fog with well placed truth darts.

It is up to you to send the suggested text response to her crocodile apologies for 'hurting' you. I would if I were you.

[HPoirot]

Message sent.

[HeavyD]

Can't wait to hear the response from your W

[HPoirot]

Response... "HP. Our marriage is over. We just need to work on how to parent S11. I am sorry but that is the reality."

[Calibri]

Well then.

Merry Christmas.

Seesh.

What are your thoughts HP?

[claire7]

Ouch. I'm sure that was tough to read.

If I were you I wouldn't reply.

I hope you find some peace and joy in this holiday.

[HPoirot]

I'm very tired.

After a minute more response... "The last thing I want to do is insult or disrespect you. I really don't. By no matter what I say that is how you feel. HP you know we have been in trouble for so long. Lets try to be kind to each other as we work through seperating. It will be hard but I think once we accept the reality that we are in a different place we can begin to heal. And learn to co parent S11. I regret this has to happen at this time. But I am firm in my belief that we are no longer able to be together."

Though she's insulted and disrespected me for months.

I will try to find some peace and joy.