Well, I still struggle with it on a daily basis, but now I am at a point where it doesn't monopolize my thoughts or control my actions. If anger or hurt about my marriage comes into my mind, I can pretty much turn it off, shrug my shoulders and get on with my day. You and I have soooo many similarities. That is why I relate so much to your sitch. I was paralyzed, maybe even more so than you. I couldn't believe the level of hurt that I was feeling. I never thought life would get better, and I never thought I would be able to let go.
I was told over and over, by some amazing people here, to GAL and work on my anger. It took me a long time to get with that program, and it held me back in my healing. I finally found myself moving forward, when I was able to get my feet in gear and start living life again. That is why I stress so much to you, to GAL. It will be your saving grace. Put it into motion ASAP. I think another big step forward for me began when I was able to simply go dark, or at least as dark as I can be with a child involved. I have found the less contact I have with W, the better I feel. My hurt and anger are noticeably more present when I have seen wife, heard of her or talked to her. Contact always seems to stir the emotions. I think there is a lot to be said for "out of sight, out of mind". Today, she has been out of sight, out of mind long enough that I really don't pay her much thought. I am becoming more and more ambivalent in regards to her, every day. You will get to this point too. It just takes time. Everything you hear on this site, the GAL, exercising, working on self growth, doing your 180's, acting "as if", all of it is VERY solid advice for all of us. Putting all of this great advice into action is your only obstacle. That's the part you have to figure out, and you WILL figure it out in time. Right now, its just hard to see it, but it is there. Right in front of you ....Happiness
