So very sorry Bklyn. I agree completely. I have tried so hard to spend as much time with my girls as I can, make them feel as safe as possible but W doesn't even acknowledge that either of them are the least bit upset about the D. My D15 was lead to believe that she was going to spend Christmas day with both my W and I. She talked about it a lot the past few weeks. Well, now W has decided that isn't what she wants. She has decided that they are going to spend Christmas eve at her mothers with both the girls and me and that her mother and both girls are going to go stay at her place that night and the next day. She is going to meet me late Christmas night to give my D15 back to me when she takes D19 back to her place (I'm picking her up in the city where she lives after she's done work Christmas eve). Not a bad plan but what is bad is that she let D15 believe that I would be there for Christmas day. I think she did it because she was afraid that D15 would be upset and ask to spend Christmas day with me. By misleading her until now, D15 can't stop her or try and talk her out of her plan. Pretty rotten if you ask me.
My W said at the start of her "journey" that D doesn't hurt kids at all. No, it was all about how we acted during and after. Well, first that is a load of crap, of course D hurts kids! No matter how the parents may behave after it still destroys their sense of security. Not only that, she certainly hasn't behaved in a way that could be seen as "helpful" to making them feel better. In fact they both are getting more and more angry about how W has been so selfish, how she has become totally self absorbed. Now, W has pushed to finalize the D ASAP. As much as now is a bad time and if she would only wait a few WEEKS until I get my new job started, she refuses to wait even that short a time! So, from now on the holidays will always be remembered as the time their parents officially ended their M and changed their lives forever. Nice.
I so totally agree about how D shouldn't be so easy and accepted when kids are involved. In my state it is much too easy to end a M even when kids are involved. By making it so accepted and so easy it cheapens the whole concept of M and family. I guess it's to be expected when you look at politicians nowadays. It seems like they ALL have at least one D or affair. They always seem to be M, but it never is their FIRST H/W. They all talk a good game about "family values" but then pass laws that show how much they really care about family and show how little "values" they truly have. IMO if there isn't any kind of abuse and one of the parties isn't in favor of the D, it shouldn't be easy and quick when there are kids. There should be a cost paid by the supposed "adult" and what is best for the kids should be the sole guiding factor.The S that ends the M is breaking a contract. When you break a contract you should be expected to have to pay a penalty. I mean you can't sign up for a cell phone service and just "change your mind" and switch without paying a penalty...why should a M contract be any different?
There are so few times in peoples lives anymore where they are expected to keep a promise, to live up to what they vowed they would do. In order for a M to be ended and for someone to break their word and promise, they should have to pay a cost...especially when no real effort is made like in just about every case when it comes to MLCers. I amazes me how many people are hurt when someone decides to end a M in the way that most in MLC do. What is even worse is how they just don't seem to care that the price of their "happiness" is paid more by innocents than themselves.
Try not to let this ruin your and the kids Christmas. Make sure they and you enjoy the time you do have together! Merry Christmas Bkyln!
