Requesting support and direction

[RosaLinda]

Hi Andy! So sorry to read your story. Thank you so much for your service to our country.

You are probably on what is called moderation now, meaning that your posts will be checked for awhile so they will take some time to show up. But don't give up on us here, keep posting and after a bit, you'll be taken off moderation and your posts will be seen instantaneously. So just keep posting. I was going to tell you that Cadet will probably pop by to explain it all to you but I see he beat me LOL. Also, start following some other people's threads, and posting to them. If you are friendly, people will reach out to help you too.

I have a similar story to yours - my ex husband became infatuated with and had EAs with a bunch of Russian women. As well as PAs, when a couple of them came to the states to meet him in person. It hurts so badly, huh?

Your wife sounds really depressed to me, and you say that you are dealing with depression too. That sounds like a difficult situation to be in. You probably need more help than I can give you; I hope some of the guys drop by with some guy-advice, but I think you need to face why you felt the need to cheat on her back in 2007. Do you think you were having a mid life crisis yourself? Do you think maybe your wife is having one now?

But whether she is in a crisis or not, your job is the same. You need to accept that your wife does not want to be married to you right now, and detach yourself from her the best you can, and give her space and time. Try not to engage her in arguments or in discussions about your relationship. You already read not to beg, plead, etc, those sort of actions would really irritate her and cause her to resent you. Make sure you keep healthy - stress is really hard on your body so make sure you get enough sleep and exercise and eat a healthy diet. Truly get a life that does not revolve around her (nor other women LOL). And look honestly at your actions in your marriage, and see how your actions might have contributed to the predicament you guys are in now. When you identify areas you could improve on (and none of us are 100% perfect spouses), do a 180 - do the opposite, make a change. But do it for yourself, because you identified something in yourself that needs changing, don't do it for your wife.

Best of luck to you Andy. Take care and keep posting. Not every marriage can be saved, but following "the process" gives you the best chance. And it gives you the best chance of saving yourself too.

Linda