I think I'm done

[mustardseed]

I hear what you're saying rppfl. And I see how part of my interaction was to keep him from going out. But the other part of it was this expectation that I had no plans and he could decide to go out without first making sure one of us will be home with the kids. He just always assumes I will be around.

I wasn't home when they got back from the movies and then when I got home I told him that I want to talk to him. I apologized for coming across as controlling and told him that if his goal in going out tonight is because he doesn't want to be around me, then I will happily leave for the night so he can have time with the kids. He said he has some last minute shopping to do and he was going to bring them but they didn't want to go. I told him to go, I have choir but I can bring them. He said he'd be home before that. So there we go. Peace is restored. But I don't feel good about it. I did feel good about it before because I think he needs to know that I am not just going to be around so he can come and go as he pleases without feeling responsible for the kids. And I think I might have overstepped in my response, but then I took it back which makes me feel like once again I laid down for him to walk all over.

Anyway, I called a DB coach and as much as I still think I am ready for this marriage to end, she gave me a little bit of hope that there might still be a chance. I don't really want to have that kind of hope right now because I am at a place right now where the pain he caused is more than I think I can ever forgive. After this last business with his "very good friend" when I look at him I see someone who disgusts me. There is very little about him I find attractive anymore and I just want to move on with my life.