barely holding on - 6

[u-turn]

HP - thanks for this! I was hoping you would comment.
I have been reading your story closely.

We know that our situation is so volatile that we probably need to separate for sanity. She does not want to be monitored and I do not want to spend my time being hurt by her actions. I don't know how it can get better without getting worse (S) first.

She said that "I will be out of your site after the first of the year".

So - it seems like it is her intention to leave.

We had a heated text conv. earlier. and sadly, it was brought on by my lack of detachment.

She came home early and she put on her country love songs that she usually plays after her interactions with om. Total mind reading and lack of detachment, but I asked her if she was intentionally trying to torment me with this music (It was weak and I should have just walked away and STFU). I see the pattern with this music but it was juvenile for me to mention it.

she snapped, walked out and a short time later texted me

w:do you feel better?
w:was it a burning desire for you to say that?
w:so for us to work it out I can't listen to music, I need to wear an ankle bracelet too
me:I don't feel better
w:then why can't you just f******* walk away
me: it was insensitive and controlling for me to say that
w:you know the kids are listening to everything
w:you know you were picking a fight
me:I understand how you would think that
w:you act like I never liked music or sang before OM
me: I know that music has always been a big part of our lives
w:I know I deserve a lot of this but I'm doing my best to keep it together for the kids
w: why is it that you just can't do the same
me: I am trying to
w: I was trying to make things as normal as possible
w: I know it's not fair to you
w: I will be out of your sight after the first of the year
me: I know it's best to keep it normal for the kids. I appreciate that you are trying to do that

Time will tell where this goes.