It's amazing how much I crave human contact now. Just being around friends has become a lifesaver. I've always had good friends, but I remained an introvert at heart. Now since BD I can't get enough of other people. That even goes for our mutual couple friends. They're fun to be around in and of themselves, and they're a bonding experience for us. I'm not sure I won't miss them more than I'd miss her if we D. My W actually finds my need for friends to be an attractive quality.
That's one reason I'm so active on here even when there's not much to report, because I feel like I've gained my own online tribe.
W is often apologetic for the mess we're in, but I don't feel a lot of genuine remorse from her. Maybe it's my own defenses, but I think she's also deep in he dopamine fantasy where she can rationalize anything. She also resents the hell out of me for my role in our M sitch. I think that's what hurts as much as anything, that this formerly big-hearted woman who once called me her soulmate doesn't feel much genuine warmth towards me, even when she's outwardly affectionate. I hope I'm mind-reading a little bit here. I'd like to think she's more conflicted than she seems. She acts like I don't deserve to be angry with her for her unfaithfulness, because I was such a lousy husband. How do we work past that?
Last edited by Rzrback; 12/23/1406:54 PM.
Ex Rzrback Me 43 Her 44 D11, D15 T21, M19 BD 9/9/2014 Piecing
Sometimes if you want to see a change for the better, you have to take things into your own hands - Clint Eastwood
