Hang in there, Rzr. Your self-proclaimed pity party journal hit really close to home for me as I experience some of the very same things. Prayers for you!
Me 52, H53 Bomb drop 9/29/2014 Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014 Marriage #2 12/31/2019 5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships) 6 grandkids