Requesting support and direction

[Andy125]

Ok so obviously I’m new to all of this, and only had a little exposure to online forums. I will try to convey my very long story as concise as possible.

I have been married for 10 years; we have been together for 15. We have 2 wonderful daughter 5 and 8.

I am an Army Vet and was deployed to Iraq 2006-2007. It was at that time that I started talking to someone online that I had met in school, before deployment. When I returned home I became involved in PA that lasted 4 months before ending. My W never knew until I admitted it this spring.

Last year my W started to get closer to her work partner as he was going through a D. I was ok with it at first then became uncomfortable after I felt there was something else going on. I was told for months that is was nothing just a best “friend”. By Nov 2013 our marriage was imploding, we started MC. I began to snoop and found she had been posting to a site called experience project. She detailed her affair and feelings about him there.

The affair ended in Feb by her work partner, and she began an online EA with someone from Australia who she fell in love with.

In the spring I found out that her affair with her partner had been physical, something she had denied. I also admitted to my affair. She refused to continue with counseling in May.

This summer things appeared to be getting better. In June I believe her online EA ended, he got back together with his wife.

By end of Aug she had met someone new online (Australian again) and entered into another EA. I challenged her on it after I found messages sent via facebook beginning of Sept. where “I love you’s” where exchanged. She has denied it and said they are only friends. They message constantly, talk, video chat etc.

Mid Oct she told me she “she has been faking it till she feels it all summer” and that “she can forgive me but can’t forgive herself for what she has said and done”. Also told me she can’t see us moving forward, because of her feelings, wants D. Told me kids should stay with me, she works 3rd shift.

After a fight at the end of Oct she filed D papers, got very upset when I got a lawyer.

She moved out of the MBR in Sept. and lives in spare room in basement. She was looking for an apartment, to move out.

I am reading DR and have Read most of DB. I started to do some DB techniques at the beginning of DEC and have seen some slight changes mainly using LRT, being polite, and expressing affirmative words where I can. Up until a month ago I have been doing all the things that people say you shouldn’t begging, pleading, crying, I love you’s, etc. I’m learning the errors of this. It was identified in MC, before it ended, that I was doing all the perusing. I’ve been reading a lot of the forums and trying my best to apply these techniques. I have read 5 LL and believe she is affirmative words, I’m quality time.

I also have been in my own counseling to deal with depression issues which she claimed as a big reason she felt the marriage was dead. I’ve had huge milestones there, and it has helped a ton. I’m looking for support and advice as to how to handle this crazy situation. I believe my marriage can be saved. Sorry this got long, but that is the basics of my story.