Mozza (6) + List of success stories

[Mozza]

Your W is vying for the Miss Popular crown. Such low self-worth that she needs to seek external validation to boost her sense of worth. Don't you see this at all, Mozza?

More or less. It helps to read it here. I feel I understand where she comes from, that I'm the person who got her self-esteem in the gutter and now she takes it from a group of young people who hand out esteem points based on partying behavior. It's not sustainable, but how can I blame her considering where I got her? That's what was offered to her at a time of need.

However, pay CAREFUL ATTENTION to the last sentence that she will "ever get a response free of criticism".....that is huge for W.

Yes, and I've finally heard this on BD. As MWD writes in DR, separation can truly change a man. I have not criticized my W once since she left. When she got upset at me, a couple of times in the first month, I responded with kindness and it worked. During the S talks, I pointed at my changed behavior (it was pre-DB!) and she said she didn't believe it was sustainable. I understood then that I could only speak with my actions and let her see them.

This is why I have an inclination to be kind and engaging in my communications with her, despite the OM. On Friday, before she flew to her home country, we had a text exchange and I engaged her. We ended up exchanging book recommendations for instance. After dinner, she called to talk to the kids (a first) and then she and I spoke for 30 minutes, chit chatting, laughing and settling a few things about the kids. I was feeling too much guilt to cut the conversation short. I wanted to show her that I'm a better listener and interested in her.

Now I'm just confused as to what I should be doing, the general attitude I should adopt. I got called a "wet noodle" when I kissed her on the cheeks when she leaned towards me. Am I really supposed to be distant until she leaves OM or isn't that just confirming her idea that I'll never change?