Alright, so I guess I am checking in and throwing a question and looking for advice (nothing is wrong - just finding my way).
So we are 100% moved into the house together again - she got rid of her condo and we have moved her stuff back. In a certain sense (and I say this jokingly) I am also happy to reunite with my couches and chairs....and she even is returning with a new flat screen. That alone almost makes it ALL worth it! (Joking! If I can't laugh at this I will probably just keep crying -- and I do not want that!). We are continuing to learn how to live better lives together and move past our respective hurts from the past. She is till in IC for her childhood trauma - which is good, because the more I learn the more I realize that it played a SERIOUS role in he decline of our marriage.
Sex. That old thing again. We jumped back into the saddle again awhile ago so it is part of the relationship, but it is kind of "mechanical" in the sense that there is really no foreplay or build up per se.....it just kind of happens - usually in the morning before S wakes up for the day and we start moving a million MPH to get out of the house in time for work. Thus far, we don't really kiss. Not like people passionate about one another kiss. It's not me...I want to - but she still has that wall up. Her IC says that a lot of it has to do with the sexual trauma and abuse from her childhood that makes intimate connections difficult. In my single life, I got used to foreplay as part of the process, and my ego kind of takes it hard -- as if there is something wrong with me physically or something. She tells me repeatedly that it is NOT me. Still, initiating sex can be a humbling experience because if I am the one putting it out there - through touching or something - it's more often that not politely declined. If she starts it, I jump on board and feel almost like I have hit the lottery.
Today she texted me at work and said that we should practice kissing. Though I am thrilled by the prospect, I am also somewhat ego-bruised because it sounds like something you have to do with someone that you are repulsed by. And, sadly, in my head I think about the OM she was with for 6 months and wonder if she had to "practice" there too....I doubt it. But I know, I know -- it's a different kind of relationship. She said in her text that it's one of those things where we just need to practice until it feels natural. So tell me....
Is THAT part of the rebuilding process?? I have been off of my ADs for about three months now and my sex drive is kind of off the chart right now...so I know I don't need the practice or to "warm back up" to her.
We are continuing to learn how to live better lives together and move past our respective hurts from the past. She is till in IC for her childhood trauma - which is good, because the more I learn the more I realize that it played a SERIOUS role in he decline of our marriage.