I think I'm done

[mustardseed]

Thanks Ile guy. I need all the support I can get right now. I'm trying to stay strong but I am not used to being firm with boundaries. I'm working on it.

He called me a spiteful bitch today. And I have to admit, it stings. I am going over the conversation again wondering if I was being spiteful or if I was just setting healthy boundaries that he is not used to.

Any feedback would be appreciated. Here is what happened.

We are all on vacation for two weeks with no real plans. Friday night I took the kids out to my parents and we stayed there until yesterday morning. I admit I was having some vulnerable jealous moments wondering where he was and what he was doing, but I did my best to not obsess or to let on. At one point I asked him to send me a picture of the kids christmas lists since I was shopping, but he didn't which made me think he must not be home which got me reeling.

When we came home yesterday he wasn't home--but the dog was here so I am assuming he slept at home. IDK. Anyway, I was obsessing and I looked in the mirror and realized I looked like a truck ran me over. Time for a change in mindset. So I took a long hot shower and did my hair and make up and made a decision to focus on ME! I felt like a looked 100 times better and told him I was going out. I went out to an alanon meeting and then drove around for about an hour before coming home. He knows I go to a Monday meeting, but I haven't gone in a few weeks and because we are on vacation the reality of it being Monday must not have resonated with him (I'm mind reading I know). And I think part of me wanted him to wonder where I was and what I was doing.

Tonight I have choir practice and tomorrow I am singing in church, then taking the kids to my sister's for Christmas Eve celebrations. Well, I just went downstairs to ask him for the money he owes me for the bills (he gave me part of it). Then he said he is taking the kids to the movies then going out. It pissed me off. He had 3 nights all to himself and after spending one night home with the kids he thinks he is entitled to another night out? So I told him he can't. I have choir and then I am going to go stay at my parents and I will come pick them up tomorrow to go to church and my sister's. And then I added that if he has plans New Years Eve he can take the kids out to my parents. I probably didn't need to add that part. I feel like we are kind of in a power struggle right now. One that he is used to winning.

He called me a spiteful bitch. I told him that I think it is odd how he has been avoiding spending any holiday with the kids and after not being around them for 3 nights it is his turn. He told me I can't tell him what to do. And I said, "true we don't owe each other any explanation about what we are doing, but we do owe it to the kids to know they still have both of us." He agreed. Then I said that after Christmas we need to figure out how we are going to divide our stuff because I don't think we should be living together anymore.

The kids came downstairs so we stopped. He just took them to the movies. I am cleaning my room and packing to go to my mothers (without my kids :().

I called the lawyer and have an appointment Monday morning.

So was my interaction over the line or was it boundary setting?