It is hard - I have had lots of time to think - I know that I need to move on with my life, but h is still very much a clear image in my head and heart and I struggle every day to find the enthusiasm and drive to keep going forwards without him.
My confidence has been knocked and I self doubt myself all the time now - Its not a nice feeling and new to me. Perhaps its because I am out of my comfort zone here and now completely on my own - no s17 - so feel a bit "fish out of water".
When you left your parents home and struck out on your own, what was that like? A bit/very scary? But also a bit/very exciting? But sometimes did you want to go back?
And you did do just fine, found your way through and made a life for yourself.
This is sort of the same situation, so, maybe look inside yourself and find the exciting feelings that are there... it took me a while to find them, but they were there, to my surprise. I felt a wee bit guilty when I finally acknowledged them, that they would take away from my M, what it meant, what it was. They didn't though, they were feelings for NOW, they weren't affecting or part of the past.
I hope you can find the sparks of excitement and grow them into a fire. It'll take time, and lots of cycling through the stages of grief, but you can do it!
What helped me was re-framing my sitch into "she has died" (and in a way, that is true). She is dead, un-available, gone, how does that perception change how *I* go about the future?
Those pictures will become less strong, that is the beauty of NC. Even though I "have" to have contact with stbxw because of the kids, but not outside of them or the D business, the pictures of her are fading, I rarely think about her except after contact, and even that is short lived. It does get better, let time, have time.
And remember, mentally and emotionally healthy people don't just cut and run like your H did.
It wasn't you, at the end of the day, it's his internal demons.
What some new activity you can try? Something outside your comfort zone? Do a couple of those and it will help you with your self-confidence I think.
Hang in there!!
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus
Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm
