Hi Water ... well I got your hint! ... but had to dig some here to find ya!
Quote: ... "why didn't you bring your bag in and change your clothes?"... I need some direction to deal with the trust issues we are having. How do I learn to trust again? How do I build my H's trust in me?
To start, before asking I would ask myself, "Why am I questioning his motives?" I discovered most of the time, when I am bring to light in a way that seem to question CAW's motives ("Why" questions), it puts her on the defensive right away and a perception that I mistrust her is generated.
Before asking, ask ... "am I going to draw him closer or push him away?" If you need to seek info, try to rephrase your statement so it is not in the form of "Why". Sometime its better to state it as an observation with "I" statements and he may suprise you with offering info without direct soliciting. For instance, "If I'd known you had a change of clothes, I would had offered to get them while you were in the shower." ... giving him the freedom to choose how he wants to respond instead of you forcing the direction with "why" ... and if I can't come up with a way to eliminate the "why" from my inquisition, then I let it go rather than chance a bad reaction.
Of course, this often means you may not get the responses you are looking for at first, but like all DBing it a matter of building towards getting closer than trying to leap there in a single bound, but in time his and your mistrust disolves into becoming more comfortable in offering to share more with one another.
