Jim0987 #8 - A bit clearer on the rebuild

[edz]

Hi Jim

On the emails that seems sensible. On the best way of looking at what could have been done differently, well, as you said hindsight is really really great and utterly useless now. I look at all the opportunities I had to spend time with s or all the time I spent working weekends etc instead of being out and about and the times I'd take my camera out on family days out but "distance" myself from the pair of them without realising I was doing it. I've spent a lot of the last few months really wanting to thump that guy until he saw sense but, ultimately, there's nothing to do facing that way, got to turn around and look at the scarier path forwards.

One thing I think you really need to do, a challenge since I think we do run quite parallel, is you need to forgive yourself. Yes, own the issues, know what could have been different and practice those changes for yourself, your kids and your w if she chooses (but try, try so hard not to only concentrate on that possibility) but also you need to move on *from* that old you. He's gone, the past, ghost of christmas past now left the building, new Jim, new outlook but you have to let him go (yes, I know Frozen again) and stop beating yourself up - thats the dber buddies job now

Really, of all the perspective changes I've made, thats made the biggest difference to me. Am I blame free - hah no - do I see what I could have done differently? Yup in hundreds of ways, was W an innocent party before bd - nope our communication was woeful - but, ultimately, what of that can I change now to hope to move into the future with w or in another meaningful relationship and building a future with my s in the last part of his pre-teen years?

I had to drop that baggage of beating myself and I really think you should try to as well as, if you can and you get your space next month (and I know the feeling that makes in the bottom of your stomach) you'll work toward being the Jim we all have faith in you being.

Take care mate

Edz