Yeah about the new eyes! ..do you have to wear shades like on this smiley?!?
You are in a weird spot with H. But, sounds like you handled the insurance thing calmly and factually. Good job Girlfriend! I like your idea about him paying for your flights. He did too....He demonstrates a tons of positives, just doesn't want the comittment, I guess. You are in different places on that one....and only you can decide if that's tolerable. You'll know in your gut over time. Stay strong...let go...let GOD.
Thanks for visiting my sitch. Your words of encouragement mean a lot. LOL
First, my laser surgery for my eyes went GREAT! I wish I would have done it years ago.
Second, I had many long talks with God this weekend. And a strange thing hit me. Just like I am wanting this all "fixed" right away. I don't always see the small steps we are making. I also don't notice the things that clearly come from God. I prayed this morning for God to bring my and H together.
This morning out of the blue H calls and has just landed in CA. He is here on business and wanted to hang out for awhile tonight! A bit later he called to say that he would be spending the night.
I'm not sure how all this fits with our D, but I guess we are no further along or behind than we were last week.
Zero expectations.
It wasn't until later this afternoon that I realized this special gift from God. Truly blessed today!
Good morning~ When I got home last night H was at the house. H and oldest S were in the garage. H has been storing his motorcycle in the garage since he moved to Seattle. H is selling it to a friend. The neighbor came over and we all stood around for a little while and just chatted.
A little later H needed to hook his laptop up to DSL connection. "Oh here H, let me bend WAY over to unhook the cable." Yes, he took advantage of the view of my behind and did a little feel!
While he was working on his laptop we talked about our plans for the evening. He said that the hotel he usually stays at was all booked. I asked what he wanted to do, he didn't know. I told him he was welcome to stay in Laurie's bedroom. We stole several kisses.
We had a very simple dinner and all of us watched TV for a little bit.
He hung out with both kids. Our youngest doesn't get home from work until 8:00. H sat in his room and chatted with him for a while.
It was almost 10:30 and well, I was tired. So I just layed on the bed for a while. At some point H came upstairs and was watching TV with oldest S and fiance. They were watching a movie. When the movie was over, S and fiance leave H sleeping on couch.
Hummmmm H alone on the couch? I go out and we start making out. Then we moved into my (our) bed. We ended up sleeping all night there. I didn't realize how creeky the bed is! LOL
A whole evening with H at home. Am I correct in thinking that staying at the house is a bigger deal than staying at a hotel as far as the kids are concerned? Even the kids are certainly aware of whats going on if I stay with him at a hotel or visit him in Seattle, its another thing to stay at the house.
H is having his car shipped to Seattle. He is leaving it the house for the shippers to pick it up there. Yesterday when he first told me he was in town, he was planning on going back last night. So this morning as we are going out to the car, he gets a suitcase out of the trunk. Now I know that H has just taken a shower and put the same clothes he had on last night back on. Yet my muckville self says, "why didn't you bring your bag in and change your clothes?" He tells me in a not so happy tone, that the bag has all the stuff from his car, since it has to be cleaned out to ship. He then proceeds to ask why I got my stuff out of my bag this morning and maybe I had been away. I told H that earlier in the evening, we were talking about staying at a hotel so I put my things in a bag. H says how do I know your telling the truth? How do we know what the other is telling is the truth?
I need some direction to deal with the trust issues we are having. How do I learn to trust again? How do I build my H's trust in me?
I drove H to the airport this morning. We had nice conversation on the way.
Still confused. Any thoughts anyone has on this would be very much appreciated.....
Quote: He then proceeds to ask why I got my stuff out of my bag this morning and maybe I had been away. I told H that earlier in the evening, we were talking about staying at a hotel so I put my things in a bag. H says how do I know your telling the truth? How do we know what the other is telling is the truth?
LOL! The guilty WAS ALWAYS seems to go through a phase of being suspicious of the LBS - I guess it starts to dawn on them, gee, if I could cheat on my spouse, then my spouse could cheat on me - and I've given them a really good reason to do so!
When my H was turning around, one day I was driving the car and he answered my cell phone for me (call from the kids). Then he started checking the call records on my phone and asking me about various numbers on it! Well, the only unusual numbers on that phone would have been calls to or from the plumber or auto mechanic or the like. I'd never even looked at another man for the 20-some years we'd been together - it was so ludicrous I had to stifle a giggle! Totally his own guilt operating there.
Later, my H said it was GOOD for him to be a little jealous of me. So don't be so quick to reassure H (unless you have a history of being unfaithful yourself). It's good for him to realize that if he wants to be sure you're not seeing anyone else, he needs to move you to Seattle and commit to you!
Quote: Later, my H said it was GOOD for him to be a little jealous of me. So don't be so quick to reassure H (unless you have a history of being unfaithful yourself). It's good for him to realize that if he wants to be sure you're not seeing anyone else, he needs to move you to Seattle and commit to you!
Boy Ellie's got some insight here! Yeah, why not be slightly mysterious....No not play any games, maybe it's good to may him wonder!
I think you have many more positives to add to you list. Keep up the good work....you continue to give me hope!
Hi Water ... well I got your hint! ... but had to dig some here to find ya!
Quote: ... "why didn't you bring your bag in and change your clothes?"... I need some direction to deal with the trust issues we are having. How do I learn to trust again? How do I build my H's trust in me?
To start, before asking I would ask myself, "Why am I questioning his motives?" I discovered most of the time, when I am bring to light in a way that seem to question CAW's motives ("Why" questions), it puts her on the defensive right away and a perception that I mistrust her is generated.
Before asking, ask ... "am I going to draw him closer or push him away?" If you need to seek info, try to rephrase your statement so it is not in the form of "Why". Sometime its better to state it as an observation with "I" statements and he may suprise you with offering info without direct soliciting. For instance, "If I'd known you had a change of clothes, I would had offered to get them while you were in the shower." ... giving him the freedom to choose how he wants to respond instead of you forcing the direction with "why" ... and if I can't come up with a way to eliminate the "why" from my inquisition, then I let it go rather than chance a bad reaction.
Of course, this often means you may not get the responses you are looking for at first, but like all DBing it a matter of building towards getting closer than trying to leap there in a single bound, but in time his and your mistrust disolves into becoming more comfortable in offering to share more with one another.
