Well managed to navigate to the other side of the world and survive :o)
I have bad jet lag - I have been told its one day for every time zone and I flew through 12. Body clock still on NZ time so am currently nocturnal.
I have pretty much avoided everyone since arriving - just can't face going over the same questions every time and to be honest I don't want everybody knowing - so just trying to say that my H and I are no longer together and I don't wish to talk about it - most people are ok about that.
Went to a Winter Solstice Bonfire on the beach - was lovely and great to meet some new people.
Been for lots of very long walks along the beach and around the surrounding hills. Met up with a couple of old friends and on Christmas Eve I have the traditional full family gathering where F/Christmas comes to visit the kids - will be a challenging night for me seeing everyone again, but lovely to see my niece have her first interaction with f/christmas.
Have decided that this is definitely not where I want to settle, I quickly remembered the reason why I left in the first place. Its great to visit for a while though and hopefully will give me inspiration for "what next". At the moment I want to travel my way back to NZ but not sure when - a few more months yet.
Have not heard anything from H - totally vanished off the radar. I thought he may have wished me a safe journey, but nope, nothing.
All my ideas and plans don't include him anymore - I still have the hope in my head, but by his current silence I am seeing that it is now doubtful he will come back my way - he has made a new life and MIL has told me he is really happy.
It is hard - I have had lots of time to think - I know that I need to move on with my life, but h is still very much a clear image in my head and heart and I struggle every day to find the enthusiasm and drive to keep going forwards without him.
My confidence has been knocked and I self doubt myself all the time now - Its not a nice feeling and new to me. Perhaps its because I am out of my comfort zone here and now completely on my own - no s17 - so feel a bit "fish out of water".
Anywhoo - thats all from me. Hoping to meet that person who inspires me to do great things. The adventure continues .....
