Still doing LRT....

[Sotto]

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2496079&page=1

So, I hope this has all worked okay. My second thread has started. Just to recap:

BD in July "I'm having an A. I'm confused and need to visit OW.
Separated in July - I moved out (to parents 2 hours away)

Lots of talking July-Sept. H confused about what he wants
September - I start LRT with 'dim' contact - no emails or talks since then

November - friend tells me H says our R is over (he hasn't told me.)
Things sound rocky with OW who lives abroad & has an on/off OM

December - I moved into a rental flat. Plan for NC over Xmas period

[Sotto]

So, I'm wondering what the DB position is on Xmas messages to WAS.

I was thinking of sending a joint text on Xmas eve to H and to SS. saying:

Hi X & Y. Just wanted to wish you both a merry Xmas. Hope you have a good time. Toots x

What do people think please? Of course I would have no expectations, but I feel a bit weird just not sending anything at all....

[twinmom]

I would send it. Did you buy a gift for ss? Personally I would. Send it/go visit, it doesn't matter.

[edz]

Hi Toots

Personally I got W a card and small gift (nothing like normal and the card is subdued and not romantic) in my case she suggested bringing s over on boxing day and joining me for a small Christmas drink (he is with W Christmas eve and Christmas day) so this seemed right rather than meeting her at the doorstep with a drink and not giving her anything.

You are in a very different situation but I'd agree with twinmom that I'd definitely get something for ss.

Just my 0.02 though

[Sotto]

Sorry, should have clarified. SS and his Mum are coming to mine a few days after Xmas for some lunch and he'll open his presents from me then.

But I thought it would be good to wish him and his Dad a merry Xmas too....I'll sent the text as well.

[twinmom]

I would say something like H and SS, have a wonderful christmas and happy New year! SS, can't wait to see you in a few days!

This shows H you are staying involved with SS without needing him....

[Pink17]

Hi Toots,

I think it's a good idea to send him a card and even something (gift) you know he would appreciate.

You have been away from him and not giving him any trouble, he can't hold any grudge against you. You have been (and are) his W for many years and even though things are rocky now, you can still talk to him or send a card or text him.

Who knows if he is also thinking what you up to during the holidays. Try to keep it gentle and nice, something that means you, but does not get into the romance part.

I think that even with all what is going on, there is probably a chance to keep it friendly. Maybe he will think about talking to you about what is going on.

I know it is hard not to think about OW and how wonderful it may be when H is with her and all the stuff that can make you depressed. But he fell in love with you before, so he still have some feeling for you, and maybe he can fall in love with you again.

You know, I said I need to stick a needle on my H because he was to quite and distant and it worked. He saw me on Friday and I think he got very curious why I was so happy and had a big smile.

Well, he is finding out I am not dead, and I am giving myself a chance to be happy again with him or without him.

Hope that helps, I will be cheering for you whatever direction you go. I want you to feel happy and be happy.

Hugs,
Pink

[UpperCu]

Why not send the text only to SS? You've got no issues with SS (I assume) and your silence with H speaks loudly and says many more things than your own words could say.

[unbidden]

I agree with Pink. This is likely not the time to continue with LRT, IMO. The WS has to know that being around you can be fun and different and he won't get to experience that unless you're in contact. Have you thought about DB coaching? I used one, Chuck, and his advice was invaluable. He said to keep meeting up with my H and have some fun, stress free times together, and it worked. Just something to think about.

[twinmom]

Unbidden, I used Chuck also. I didn't agree with his advice on a few things. He told me also to spend time with H, he also told me not to fight H taking our 2 yr old twins overnight to OW house after dating her for 3 weeks....