Thanks bunch Toots. You and GG are right. I will go shopping for something cool, sexy (not much as I do not like appealing, but enough to drive him crazy.
Last time when we had a date, I had this very tight jeans pants and a white blouse w/lace. He said that I was very pretty and charming.
I always have make up on these days. Never know when I will see H around. My hair is natural crawly, black and long. Everyone says it looks really nice.
H will help cooking the whole XMas dinner, so we will spend a lot of time together. Need to have some goals and prepare myself to be nice. Sometimes I am too straight forward, but it can hurt more then help.
I keep thinking I do not want to get hurt again and I fear to expose myself to have hope. In the same time, I keep asking myself why H always want to talk about us, our R. I already told him several times that I understood his decision and will respect it. That he can move on and be happy.
Maybe it's guilt. My IC said that he is past the whole guilt feeling. He may still feel guilt but it is not the main reason anymore.
IC thinks that if I am not reaching to him and he is the one to always initiate contact and put himself in the position to discuss about our M/R, then it's because he consciously wants to check if the marriage has nay chance.
IC also said that H is very confused right now with the fact that he prepared himself to help me to go through this difficult time, and yet he sees me very happy, upbeat and uplifted, I tell him my new discoveries, adventures. My world is changing and getting better, instead, his world is shrieking an becoming a mess.
I really don't know but I am not going to lose him further, he is already lost, so What!!!!
About the Wine... OK GALS, got it, no wine on XMas, at least not more than a glass. When I have wine I feel really hard to resist the sex appeal. I feel like my body is on fire and my skin is claiming him. Well, too much, NO... NO...NO. of limits.
I will be red ridding hood and not the bad wolf!
The truth is that I feel pretty good hearing him saying that he feel along, misses his family, misses me and misses talking to me. And say that he hope he is taking the right decision because he is not sure if what he is doing is right or not.
I wish things could change soon, but this idiot OW is coming to US in a few days and who knows what is going to happen. Maybe a need to expect a long journey.
Thanks girls, you are the best, I will make you proud.
