Big question and moral delimma

[Ile Guy]

SO W and I have been having decent texts lately. so I asked her to send me a list of things that I can improve upon... I was expecting just some bullet points.. but instead I get this....

Drinking:
Your alcoholism
Was the main reason I left. You've acknowledged it yet don't seem
To understand how much it affected our family. Climbing trees while drunk, driving home from
Fairs (with the kids) while drunk, Lucas drawing you a Father's Day card with a beer can on it. You drunk in the parking lot (and drinking still) while I was having my first major photography show. Kids running around in the woods half undressed when chilly out while you sat by the bonfire. At my show People asked where you were and I was too embarrassed to say you were tailgating in the parking lot on one of the most important nights of my life. Those are just Examples of just how it affected our family.

Things that were important to me didn't seem to be important enough to you:
Molly's defacing of the kids room for example. It was a health hazard. That's why the kids weren't allowed in there. I scrubbed the carpets until I just gave up. Begged for you to help me remove the carpet. That's why the kids didn't sleep in there. You couldn't breathe with the crap and urine everywhere. Another example. My car. I drove daily with your kids. When I had concerns you blew them off. Brakes, other issues. I've had nothing but issues with it and was scared at times because of a new issue. Now that I told you I had my car worked on and had to pay, you say "I would've done it". You didn't. When I sent you pics of cars, it wasn't because I wanted to be money hungry like you claim. My car has always been an issue. Those were all cars that the payment would be the same or lower. Newer. Safer. Less miles. It was an embarrassment that your dad came over to constantly help with projects because you wouldn't do them. We had holes in our walls for 4 years. I gave up on caring that the house was clean because who cared? The carpet was trashed. You didn't follow through on a sidewalk, I would've never had anyone over with holes in the walls, pee soaked carpet, etc.

Unwillingness to do anything/leave the house:
We could have done family things that did t cost money. We had a zoo membership. Bike rides, walks, park, etc. instead you had bonfires and drank in the yard.

Constant criticism of money:
Yes it's a major thing. I know my not working sucked. So would paying daycare. Thought we were on the same page with not working until you blamed me for everything. Kids are expensive. We have 3. It's impossible not to spend money when you have kids. Food alone is awful. I sold the kids clothes to buy things. Yes I got my hair done but it was something I needed for me. I was home with the kids and honestly deserved something for me.

Your constant job loss:
You are never happy at a job. The first few months are great. Then you hate it. You get miserable. I've seen it time and time again. We lose our insurance, etc. it's such a huge stress. You were drinking on the job at Compact Power. In the office and while traveling. When you started the job, you swore that was your dream job. You wanted to travel. The money was great. We had benefits. When you have a family you make stability a priority. Even if it [censored] sometimes.

I refused to be in the same room with you when you were drinking. If you think back we had great talks and texts while you were at work because I could deal with you sober. Then you started drinking after work at "team meetings". You'd come home from dj jobs and people would tell me you were at sharkys after. You told me you stayed late or played longer. Your drinking consumed you. I told you to stop. I asked your dad if you could move in with him while you got help so that I wouldn't uproot the kids and move (because he told me you've needed rehab for years and promised we would get you help so I would stay).