My W was terribly unhappy with me and I was mostly oblivious to it. How can a H make his W so miserable? How can it be me? How can one become such a monster and not realize it? Or am I overracting and was my W being dramatic in that email, or oversensitive?
The sentence about the "break" is a warning that she's soon willing to breakup with me, something I had not registered at the time. I thought of a break like going on a trip alone, visiting her parents, etc. I realize now its true meaning. Five days later, she started her new job and met OM. I know my W made the bad decision to leave the M for him, but I had left the door wide open for OM to walk in. I wasn't taking care of my W like a good H should.
I feel I deserve to be punished. I was mean to my W and would not hear her calls for help. Leaving me is what she needs to heal and what I need to open my eyes on the impact of my behavior in the M. The H I was does not deserve to be married. She had a young, handsome and attentive colleague who was willing to fulfill her emotional needs. Right this moment, I just can't bring myself to be upset that she went for it. It was a glass of ice water in the desert. The dopamine kicked in and I was history.
M39 D6 D3 (at S) S 2014-09 D 2016-09
"You can't start a fire sitting around, crying over a broken heart" - Bruce Springsteen.
