I'm determined to not yesterday and all that went with it get me down. The texting with H really did not help. It was a mistake to contact him. I considered saying something today like "I'm sorry I contacted you, it was a mistake, blah blah" but decided no. I'm just going to go on from today forward and not reach out to him anymore. He may be confused, he may be hesitant, but in talking with me he is steadfast in his decision so I need to stop looking for potential and opportunities and just let it go. He is not someone I want to be spending time and energy on right now. He dumped me. He has some gaming addiction issues. With his work schedule he'd really have no time for me, anyway, and if we were together I'd be pretty unhappy with how he has chosen to spend his time and money. So, not contacting him anymore. Not hoping for surprises or grand efforts (how sad is it that when my coworkers surprised me for my b-day, I thought maybe it was something planned by H and he'd be there??). Practiced meditating today and that helped, until I got too sleepy (how do you stop from getting sleepy?) Went to the gym, grabbed some sushi and a movie for dinner later, time to stop worrying about yesterday and H and his texts or lack thereof. I think our dinner and texting lately really got my hopes up, and then getting feedback that shows it has not changed things for him at all brought me down again. He has not been here in any supportive type of way and I can't expect that he magically will be. I need to think of him as an ex-roommate with whom I still have some odds and ends to wrap up afterwards.
Me:30 H:29, no kids T:12, M:4 (when D was final) 12/13: "Don't think I want to be M anymore" 6/14: Separated (I move) 1/15: H filed for D 5/15: D final
