Thanks Vanilla, yes you are right. However I also don't feel very comfortable saying "I won't meet you until you commit to working on the M" or something like that. It has been 5 months since I have made any indication I was even open to the idea of being together. I have tried to make it clear that if he is moving on then I am too.
Maybe that was a dumb move from the beginning but I feel it would be strange to back track now. Even when he has said that he missed me and hinted that he may have made a mistake I didn't open up and say I agreed. Instead I usually whined about OWs.
Throughout this whole adventure I have often reflected back on my past relationships to try to understand how he is thinking and what my best course of action might be. I think back to past boyfriends that I have broken up with. How did I feel when I left BF1 for another guy? What was I thinking? Was there anything BF1 could have said or done to make me reconsider? When I got bored with BF2 what could he have done to re-attract me? This is when I see the perfection of Sandi's 37 and other DB techniques.
The truth is that there was nothing they really could have said to make me change my feelings. But actions and new behaviors might have made me think. If BF1 told me "don't call me unless you want to work on our relationship" then I would not call him again. However if he had simply been polite but distant and seemed like he was perfectly happy without me and having a great life I would have been so curious!
Of course this is all mind reading and guessing but it helps me to think of my own past feelings and experiences on the other side of the BD.
I think perhaps I will meet him this one time with an open mind and see if he has anything to say. I sense that he will say something - whether it is only that he feels I don't want to talk to him or to complain that I don't want to be friends. Based on past experiences and his recent whiny text messages I feel he wants have some kind of R talk. This time I plan to listen calmly and say nothing. Later I can reply with my thoughts.
I do agree that I need to make it very clear that if things continue as they are (him having OWs and not trying to work things out with me) that we will no longer be in communication and we will not be friends. Maybe someday but definitely not now. This is my boundary and I will enforce it after hearing what he might have to say. If he has nothing to say then I will go back into the darkness.
The Count from Sesame Street just came to mind. WA HAHAHAHA.
