I feel your pain. Is it that once you sign the papers, you fear H will then no longer have a reason to stay in contact with you, not have a reason to come back to you? That you feel he will just move on and you will remain friends?
It's a piece of paper, just as a marriage license is a piece of paper to some.
Trust that God has a higher plan for you and that it will be good. "If something is taken away, something better will be given in return"
