Was just reading very insightful words from Vanilla on another thread. Words from the point of view of the WAW. I've known almost since the beginning of this sitch the importance of accepting my W as she is right now... not to try to change her or challenge her... to somehow validate her as she is without judgement. To validate her feelings and put mine on the shelf.
This is not to offend Vanilla, b/c I have already explained to her that she is not a WAW if she is trying to save her M. She is in a terrible stitch, however, she is the one fighting for it. The type of WAW's we have here are not wanting to keep their H/M. Vanilla wants her M to get better. The WAW's here are not interested in working on the M! That is a major difference in definition. Your W is cut from a different pattern than I see Vanilla. Vanilla, is not in an A or acting wayward. Your W is a wayward W. Therefore, I strongly disagree with accepting her the way she is now. That would be accepting her bad behavior and her A with OM.
What do you mean you can't expect her to make changes? Of course she will have to make changes if you reconcile. It is her choice.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
