Jim0987 #7 - rebuilding but can't tell what it is

[jim0987]

Thanks all, I'm just too emotionally driven and i never in a million years thought i was like that.

My wife has certainly been the poster girl for being checked out - not a hint of remorse, regret or doubt even after OM1 initially said he only wanted casual. Now he is back and wants a relationship she is being more active in pushing the D ahead (still feel that I should confront him though i'm accepting the advice not to)


anyway just want to comment on these

First paragraph:

You're wagging your finger at W for being "formal" and calling out on her so-called bad behavior. Are those loving and neutral actions that will draw back W? I think not.

Fair point - I'm upset at the insuation that I havent been reasonable. I know her well enough that she is trying to make a point but i would be guessing exactly what that point is. I do the similar when i ask leading questions of her

This continues her Parent/Child approach which i have allowed too often and so your right reacting to it is either perpetuating this or picking an arguement.

Second paragraph:

You're trying to pled with W that M is 'fixable' which isn't attractive. Furthermore, W is already checked out of the M. Why bring up the "blocking" and "obstruct" words which is, in W's eyes, a tacit admission that you have been/are doing this.

I hadnt thought about it like that, i guess i was more thinking that i want her to know that its her decision. whatever my faults and failings, walking without properly trying is her choice. but even if we go with my interpretation this is blaming and judgement and needs to be avoided - she needs to realise this on her own and so best not said.

n retrospect i was trying to make her feel its a bad decision - so more manipulation

I've not obstructed at all but she seems to consistently imply that I am, or feel threatened that i might.

Third paragraph:

Whoa! The implication dangling in the air is that W doesn't have the kids' best interests at all. That'll be the fastest way to make her get pissed off at you. Just more negative view of you.

I was trying to reassure that i'm not going to do anything that would be harmful to the kids. well at least thats what i thought i was doing.

when i read Wonka's interpretation my immediate reaction was, thats because she doesnt, otherwise she wouldnt have left without trying, she would actively have helped with D3s school place and she wouldnt leave the kids with her family on her weekends so she can go meet OM1. Thats a lot of anger and judgement there, as justified as i might feel it is - it isnt healthy or going to help her see good in me or our M

Wonka, d@mn your mirror can sting sometimes...