Busting this Divorce - 90 Days NC #1

[HPoirot]

Journaling...

Again S11s phone was not plugged in, and my phone was in the other room, so W called a number of times and left VMs and text about how it's unacceptable we don't answer and she's worried and to call back before she assumes the worst.

I just had s11 charge his phone and call her. I said "so what?" to myself until the negative feelings lessened. I'll just have to make sure S11 at least can hear his phone.

Still... her calls and texts moved me negatively again. This time I had something to do which helped so thank you 25. I will get to the place where hearing from her doesn't bother me.

She called then. I looked at the phone and after a bit answered. She talked about splitting time on Christmas and New Years and his birthday like she asked for on an earlier text. She said she wanted our car. She said she had no money for a rental car. I reminded her I would be happy to pay for half. She said we have to talk about money, where we're going to live, when we're going to get together and pack the old house. I reminded her we already talked about those things. Where she lives is up to her. She said she talking about s11 now. She asked if I was ever going to talk to her. I said I'll do the best I can.... just send me an email with details and I'll consider it. I said I have to get back to work and hung up.

Then I saw she had sent a text... "PLEASE confirm." I knew that she sent that text before she called. I called her anyway. Said businesslike I saw her text... confirm what? She said what she just talked about. Then she asked how S11 was doing. I said he was happy playing his games. She said he told her yesterday that she seemed so happy and none of this was bothering her. She said that wasn't true... that all this was the hardest thing in the world. She said that I was probably right to leave the house b/c being in there together was awful. I didn't say what part of me wanted to say... to stop all this... that all this is fixable... just come home. I didn't say anything. She said she couldn't cry b/c she was in a meeting. We hung up.

I want to start a talk with her but I won't. I want to listen if she starts to talk but I'm not giving her the chance. I shouldn't have called back. All of this is so stupid and painful but necessary. I'm still hearing DB coach Chuck suggesting to spend Christmas together. I won't do that with my W chasing an A. I admit that part of me wants to but I know it won't help or change anything. I want to believe it will make things worse.

Just keep in my sandbox... keep working on me.

I have to leave her alone.