Busting this Divorce - 90 Days NC #1

[HPoirot]

Day #9 Journaling...

Today I started excellently. Wonka's suggestion of a daily morning affirmation reminded me that, before all this started, I started or ended most days listening to a 20 minute positive hypnotherapy recording. I found it and listened to it 3 times this morning before getting out of bed. Extremely calming and centering. I jumped out of bed, finished cleaning up my bedroom, made my bed for the first time here (I usually do this everyday), made myself a cup of green tea for the first time here, and sat down for breakfast with S11. We watched the sun come up.

Even better, I brought a large pile of old IRS tax notices from the old house. There happens to be a paper shredder here so I am shredding them. I used to hide this pile in my closet from myself and my W. I built up a lot of fear in this pile... and with it I brought myself down as a man over the years. My W saw that... now I'm here. I'm letting that fear go this morning. Just pieces of paper.

And I could clearly image myself being better me as I was meditating this morning. From those visions, I'm framing my sitch differently for my own good... My W wasn't good to me or S11. We have an opportunity to all grow and be better, stronger people together and she was very weak and made a bad decision and then tried to hide it from us while saying we're her #1 priority. Now, from the pain of that decision, I know much more about myself and where I went wrong and I'm being a better man today and everyday from now on.

I remember I imagined a life without my W for a while b/c she was not good to me... she complained about her life instead of doing something about it... was often very negative about everything... was often the one not trying to have fun and be happy where we were. She's not perfect and is certainly not worthy of me and S11 right now. I have to be realistic about her too.

And that's why I left her. I left her. She only threatened to walk out on me... but I was the one who took my life in my hands and walked out. I will make my life better for myself and my son. I will carry myself like a man worth following... a man who has a direction and a destination and is walking that path no matter what comes.

I will keep going.

I won't give up.