Jim0987 #7 - rebuilding but can't tell what it is

[jim0987]

Well something was triggered this morning (Nothing good)

I've had a bunch of emails from W about different things all very formal.

- about a week ago I asked if she could collect the kids one day in january as i'm in Brussels. She said

Yes, that should be fine. We need to work together to co-parent effectively and whilst I had hoped to have this week off to sort the new house, I will of course collect the children, Its no problem at all.

- She sent the revised seperation agreement, she said no substantial changes but has added quite a few extra bits of furniture she wants and took out all the bits that actually protect me, and said i should take the joint account (I have no idea of the balance in that as ive never had any control of it so thats a bad plan).

She added

As I've said before, I have no desire to be unreasonable, take anything more than is reasonable, or to make this harder than it already is or has to be. I hope that this is OK. Please give me any feeback as soon as possible

I'd suggest a separate agreement in relation to the children. This is a one-off agreement, where as the children reflect an ongoing and dynamic relationship that must suit their needs.

There were two other emails both really formal and similar in tone.(I find this hurtful)

what stikes me is that she is really protesting her reasonableness. My initial reaction was that it feels like she has all the power (which she does) but certainly looking at it again it feels more like she is trying to reassert herself as being the 'adult' (for the transactional analysts amongst you)

[b]So my question is do I respond in the same overly formal tone? or do I respond in my normal light agreeable tone?

Do i point out that actually I've been incredibly cooperative and reasonable regardless? equally do i point out that she is being unreasonable?

What I want to say is something along the lines of

Wife,

I'm disappointed you feel you have to adopt such an overly formal tone. Throughout this process I have been cooperative and reasonable despite your affair and your continuing behaviour toward me.

Since I have known you I have always wished you to be happy and have tried to support you in your decisions. Whilst i cannot agree with your decision and will continue to believe that our marriage was perfectly fixable, I recognise that this decisions is yours to make. I have not and will not seek to obstruct or hinder it in anyway.

I know that this is a difficult and stressful time for us all but please be assured that I will always act in the best interests of D3 and S1.


I would really like to send this but i seriously doubt its a good idea.