In retrospect my wife several times was took the opportunity to remind me that its over between us and that its because of me. So there was a little bit of baiting and self justification going on there (I certainly helped reinforce her narrative)
Anyway, I'm going to take one big positive from this mornings debacle and that is that within half an hour I not only knew I had screwed up but that I was projecting blame and judgement toward my W. I was hurting and I wanted her to know it - this is symptomatic of a lot of my mistakes
Now the good news in case you missed it is that i noticed. In the past i would have just basically stayed in a grump about how she wasnt paying attention to me or doing enough to make me feel better as I congratualated myself for remaining so 'in control of my emotions'. So noticing and understanding thats a really good thing, its on the way to fixing
So to rewrite this mornings conversation as it should have gone.
M: I'm disappointed I'm not going to see the kids Christmas Day but its ok because we will have a great day when I do see them.
Both mid 30s, 2 young kids BD 7sep14 XW moved on long ago, now living with OM1 D paperwork in progress
