Jim0987 #7 - rebuilding but can't tell what it is

[edz]

Hi Jim.

Number one - you already know - but number two is as important.

Regardless of how it went don't dwell on it, no it wasn't an outcome you wanted, it may or may not have changed w's viewpoint or pushed her or maybe set her thinking, you have no idea, you can't mindread and you can't change her internal script or plan right now, whatever you can't undo the conversation regardless.

If you have little interaction between now and January then see that as a good opportunity for you to relax, be calm and detatch but only if *you*let yourself.

Dont run it endlessly in your mind on a loop or the next time you will already be wound up and ready to launch before either of you speaks.

As much as it puts me in danger of sounding like I'm obsessed with Frozen (hey, only seen it a dozen or so times - that makes me a lightweight with a child of 10), in regard to this conversation just let it go, I don't say that to belittle it you know that but I also know the knots I've tied myself in with w working out every plan she could be hatching and who and was she running around and.... and I nearly had a breakdown and definitely didnt relax or detatch.

I know in your case its worse on top of the feelings on not seeing the kids for Christmas you have the other feelings you're fighting, in some respects I'm lucky, sure I wont see s on Christmas eve or day but I'll get him boxing day and the 27th. I'd much prefer to be all together as a family but this year it aint going to happen, next year? Is next year.

Please, please don't do what I was doing, don't tell yourself its impossible to have a good time and not to try, it's all just toxic and you are so good at GAL - much better than I - so I know you can do it.

We all of us here want to be with our WAS and families I'm sad that wont be the case this year for many of us here and in my case it will be my Dad instead but you better believe I'll try to enjoy it and wear my paper hat with the rest of them.

I know how you are feeling about your marriage and only the two of you are in a position to end it, I understand why you're thinking of that being you to regain some aspect of control but while you should protect yourself and your kids financially it doesnt mean you should hasten anything along.

I'm no expert in anything infidelity wise mate, one thing (at the moment) I know isnt happening either side in my R, w is too obsessed with s's time but I know some of the vets will be along with advice on that. My concern here is your PMA and optimism for your life in the future and with the kids going ahead and you know how much I had to battle my own demons to get my head the little above the water it is with my attitude.

Anyway enough of my waffling, today make sure you forgive Jim, dont punish him, move on with YOUR christmas plans for both what you intend to do with yourself on christmas eve, day and around then and what you'll do with the kids for YOUR christmas together.

Remember your db buddies are here mate, we may shout at you and 2x4 you but we're here.

Edz