Jim0987 #7 - rebuilding but can't tell what it is

[jim0987]

So i'm going to give myself a 2x4 and feel free to add some extra weight behind it.

My wife came into my room this morning as she always does and my PMA was off (bad nights sleep)I tried to avoid her but she was just sat on my bed.

I cant remember exactly how it got started (soemthing to do with christmas) but we had a sporadic Relationship conversation as we both got up this morning and i was not in a positive place for it.

Things i said during the course of this conversation which i doubt helped me included

- I'm upset by not seeing my kids at christmas
- Its different for me this year because by next year we would have had a full year to come to terms with it and for you this is what you want
- I'm not saying it its not my fault, i am saying that its entirely your choice
- No matter how it gets dressed up or what reasons get given i've always known that i left my Ex for you
- I'm not blaming you for the issues in our marriage, I am saying that this is your choice

we then had a bit of a discussion about the seperation agreement and that she will be moving out on the 13th January. which triggered another exchange

M: well thats as long as the seperation agreement is signed
W: Well I need to take a lot of stuff out
M: I need all the financial stuff in their
W: well i will let you have my comments
M: I'm not handing over any money until i protect myself financially
W: I understand that, its stuff to do with the kids I want to take out. It shouldn't be in a legal agreement that we have to go to court to change. We should do all this stuff on trust
M: Its more difficult to trust when you are being so persistantly dishonest
W: well you never did trust me did you
M: I always trusted you, I still don't understand what it is i did that made you think i didnt trust you
M: I know that i wasnt very good and explaining how i was feeling or bringing up issues with you but i always trusted that we would work through any issues together
W: I dont want to talk about it
M: I trusted you completely, if i didnt i wouldnt have been so blindsided by all of this

there was some more back and forth where she pushed me on what i thought she was being dishonest about and I said:

M: look you've been seeing him for 3 months now, just let me know before you introduced him to our kids
W: I dont what you think you know or are trying to imply with your veiled comments
M: there is nothing veiled about my comment
W: I dont have to explain my self to you. I can see my friends and make new friends if i want
M: of course and i never stopped you from doing any of that
W: I'm not seeing anyone
M: well i guess im just going to have to trust you on that

She is absolutely lying and in a full on relationship with OM1, we both know it

I finished up by saying about 10 minutes later
'I know i've been off the last few times we've seen each other but the prospect of christmas without the kids really hurts me.'


So massive 2x4 to myself - STFU Jim

I have know idea what on earth i thought any of that would acheive. Its not like i want her to start openly discussing her new relationship with me because that will hurt like hell.

That was me feeling hurt and lashing out with blame and judgement. definitely not going to help my cause.

I've only got a few minutes interaction with her this side of January so maybe things will get better in my mental state. But as long as OM1 is in the picture and making her happy then I have no chance

The best metaphor i have is that our relationship is in a coma on life support and I'm visiting everyday hoping it will wake up and can begin the long rehabilitation journey. My wife wont visit at all but i dont know whether its because she doesnt care or cant face it. either way the decision on whether to pull the plug is mine.