Fantastic words, ur. Thanks for sharing that about yourself and your history. And I can tell you put time and thought into your posts, which I appreciate. I don't just skim them. I paste them into my journal and think about them throughout the day. And you have the best username here, so sometimes I just think about your name. Even days that I don't believe it, your persistence here makes me believe that someday I will feel worthy again.
That mirror metaphor really gives me a much clearer picture of what living in self-worth really looks like. I think I was maybe 30% there before BD. Since then I've been at 0-5%. Before BD, I did live much of my life like I wanted to, like I believed one should live there life. I failed with porn, and I also failed by needing others to know about my good qualities or good deeds. And that defeats the purpose of giving (time, work, goods, money, love, etc.).
That desire has always led to an internal dialogue within myself. One voice is the side that wants others (especially women, it seems) to know I'm volunteering here or there, or tutoring someone, etc. The other voice is Matthew 6:1-4.
Last edited by Card29; 12/22/1402:10 AM.
Me 38, WAW 30 D11 (former marriage) S2 T 8 years M 3 years BD 8/20/23 S 8/20/23
