Angry WAH blames me for everything.......(2)

[UpperCu]

"Hope is a four letter word. Having no expectations is better."

DB isn't about a lack of hope. Hope is what even brings all of those posting here together.

In the book of Romans, Paul tells Christians "hope that is seen is not hope. For who hopes for what he sees? But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience."

Right there I think he speaks to what we all need to hear. Sure, we should relieve our spouses of the pressures we place on them with our expectations. Detachment helps us accomplish that. But the hope we have in our WAS and in our M is legitimate. You are here because you know your spouse loves you deep down, and is a good person whom you love too.

Although, we cannot see reconciliation happening from our "close up" perspective. I think every poster here is hoping in the same thing - that their WAS would acknowledge their love for them and put in the hard work it takes to rebuild the M. In reality, it only takes one person to begin to rebuild the M, and that is going to have to be you this time. And it's going to have to be you working what you are in control of... YOURSELF. You are human, therefore you have lots of issues to address.

Back to hope - we should set our sights down the road on what a reconciled M looks like. And on what a new M looks like. We all will be okay with or without our WAS. The detachment required to realize this is not us giving up, it's not a loss of hope. It's the beginning of something new and beautiful. LBS can start over fresh on themselves. Out of love, we give our WAS a new person they can fall in love with all over again by working on ourselves, GAL, and setting them free.

They are free to choose us, we hope they will, but our actions in DB lay a solid foundation where we can survive any outcome. If you do what you must to save your M, and your WAS doesnt choose to reconcile, you are still this amazingly attractive person who is primed and ready for the rest of your life. YOU are surging forward in YOUR life. Hoping your WAS will come to their senses, but knowing you don't need them or their approval for your life to thrive. Chances are, your desire for a strong, healthy M will bring you to the point where you can remarry and start a new life with a new spouse. D is painful, but it's not the end. Think of it as a bridge to your new life you must cross over.

Once you resolve that you really will be okay regardless of the outcome and regardless of things out of your control, your chances of happiness move from minimal to 100%.