Card29 VIII

[Card29]

I hear what you're saying, T. I've always struggled with this, though, because I was already not there for her for several years, without even realizing it. So it's kind of a 180 for me to want to talk with her, to show her compassion and affection. But I also know that she's in no mood to receive any of it from me. It will have to wait until she's ready to receive it, which appears likely to never happen.

Today, though, I really was concerned about her wellbeing more than my M. I know she has at least contemplated suicide before. Shes not mentioning anything like that to me, but given her history and the fact that she's going through the worst period of her life, I can't imagine that she hasn't thought about it lately. I've never thought she would actually attempt it, but who knows. Without me being there, when she gets in a really bad spot like she is now, it just makes me worry. Not sure what I could do right now, anyway, unless she asked for specific help from me.