Busting this Divorce - 90 Days NC #1

[HPoirot]

Hello Wonka and Sandi...

Yes Wonka... it was interesting how hard it was to pour that bottle down the sink. There was a time I rarely had a drink. Then, over the years, my W and I came enjoy a drink or 2 or 3 together every night. I never thought anything of it. My W a few times did express how she thought she might be alcoholic. That it could be more than taking the edge off her day. I always reassured her. Lesson learned. I drove by a few beer stored today. Noticed each one. I'm watching myself.

And on a woman's company too. I agree right now that that's coming from my place of "neediness" as much as wanting a drink. I'm determined to now become a fully self-assured man who creates the life he wants to live without neediness. I'm framing all this as my best opportunity to do this for myself.

And sandi yes I did join a gym and I will workout on a regular schedule. Unfortunately S11 is too young to go with me but I will do something like the 7 minute workout with him in the condo. There's also a rock climbing gym near here where I will climb with him.

One another thing I'm still working on... interacting with W without showing anger. She just came by to drop off S11. She tried to talk to me about the schedule change she wanted... having S11 on Christmas eve and morning. Honestly, I looked at her like she was sh*t again. Talked evenly and businesslike but bruskly... told her to let S11 stay on the original schedule. Told her to email me anything else she wanted. Told her thanks and walked away before she could say anything.

I'm slamming the door on her and R like Chuck cautioned me not to do. So my goal this week is to be better me in the short times I see W. Just co-workerish. Professional. And then keep that going. I know it's critical to the R goal to be the lighthouse right now... to be better me and not angry me. I have to work on this... acting "as-if" I'm past her so I'm not angry now. Not intuitive at all.

So I should see her again on Tuesday. I saw that she bought me a Christmas present for S11 to give to me from him. I'll work with S11 to find something for her. Part of me, though, thinks she should just get a card.

Honestly, it would be so nice and easy to go out right now, get a six pack of beer, pick up a nice full-bodied girlfriend, and drop some quick divorce papers in the mail before I sit down to watch football.

HA! See I made myself smile...