Had a text convo with WAW yday and today. She is really struggling right now. Losing weight again. I don't know if she feels guilty, hopeless, shamed, all of the above, etc. I tried to convey my understanding and sympathy. Screwed up and told her I missed being her rock when she needed it. Later I said I was sorry if that made her feel worse. She responded that everything made her feel worse.
Lately I've had the selfish thoughts of "if we can't be happy together I don't want her to be happy with anyone". I don't really believe that, and I felt guilty every time I had that thought. Today was the first day in a while that I really felt inside of me that I wanted her to be happy regardless of her decision. I told her today that she deserves joy and love. I don't think she believes that and hasn't since she was a kid, if you ask me. She was insecure when I met her and it never seemed to change
Me 38, WAW 30 D11 (former marriage) S2 T 8 years M 3 years BD 8/20/23 S 8/20/23
