rd, I would love to make it to Ireland one day for a high-five! We will both deserve one, no doubt. Keep being the awesome dad and person that you are. Happy holidays and best wishes for the New Year!
M: 43 H: 39 D: 14 Married 15 Together 16 BD: 6/2014 S: 8/2014 OW revealed 10/2014 Instigated dissolution 12/2014, in progress So over it!
Thanks, raliced! Yes, I'm still feeling really good about my decision. Just waiting for H to give me his financial info and tell me if he would prefer to keep or sell the house, then I can put together an agreement for him to review. I'm waiting to tell D14 about the move until I've worked out all the details. I'm happy and excited to have a plan in place for moving forward with my life. It's interesting -- the person that H is having an affair with is not even that fit or attractive (not that it's a competition, but I'm in great shape and have been told I look like Julia Roberts). So what is he seeking? He has always been needy when it comes to attention, and I think that is part of what he is getting from this new relationship (a fawning sycophant). Never mind that I sacrificed my career and everything else to make his life and job possible -- he needed to be praised and adored constantly. So we're both better off without each other. And I feel really great for the first time in a long time!
M: 43 H: 39 D: 14 Married 15 Together 16 BD: 6/2014 S: 8/2014 OW revealed 10/2014 Instigated dissolution 12/2014, in progress So over it!
Heard from a friend who is also friends with H that he is upset about my plans to move (because it is inconvenient for him, mainly). She said he reminds her of her own XH -- negative, selfish, and plays the victim. As my friend in New Orleans says "Don't F up your life, and then turn around and wonder why it's all F'ed up." H has difficultly seeing that this situation is entirely of his choosing, his doing. My friend asked me if I was missing him at the holidays or feeling nostalgic. I can honestly say "nope!" Oh, and I have a date tonight. Just for fun, and keeping it just friends, but a date regardless. Go me!
M: 43 H: 39 D: 14 Married 15 Together 16 BD: 6/2014 S: 8/2014 OW revealed 10/2014 Instigated dissolution 12/2014, in progress So over it!
Good for you, Ahoy! What about your move is inconvenient for H? Having to deal with the house or the situation with D? Or was he expecting you to dogsit?
I meant to comment about the relative unattractiveness of the OW. From what I read that isn't unusual, particularly with someone like your H who seems to maybe have some self esteem issues.
Yes, it's inconvenient for him because it interferes with his ability to have the every-other-week parenting schedule and also I will no longer be available to babysit for him whenever he has a conference, work travel, or a trip to see his girlfriend planned. I think he knows better than to ask me to dog-sit. But, you know, I'm sure he thinks I'm being the selfish one by putting my needs (or, according to him "wants") first. No matter. He made a choice based on his "wants," and I, as a result, have to make a decision for my future based on my needs. Here's what I will accomplish with the move: a stable job with benefits, family support for me and my daughter, health insurance and access to great medical facilities to deal with my benign brain tumors, and the proximity of lots of friends and family. I have a lot to look forward to! I'm just anxious that he's going to try to stall the process just to mess with me and to try to delay the move. But I'll make certain that doesn't happen.
M: 43 H: 39 D: 14 Married 15 Together 16 BD: 6/2014 S: 8/2014 OW revealed 10/2014 Instigated dissolution 12/2014, in progress So over it!
My date went great -- such a nice guy. He insisted on paying because "you take care of everyone else, so someone should take care of you sometimes." I told him I'd treat him next time. He was reassuring about how I was dealing with D14's struggles, told me to just keep being the best mother I could be, and that's about all you can do. It was fun. I don't want anything more than friendship, but we came up with some fun adventures to pursue around the area, and it's nice to think that I'll have a partner in social crime who is not connected to my H in any way, but who knows what I'm dealing with, and had been through it before and can sympathize. I'll just have to make sure I am clear about the fact that I'm in no way ready for any kind of relationship beyond friendship. Off to yoga with a friend! Have a great day, all!
M: 43 H: 39 D: 14 Married 15 Together 16 BD: 6/2014 S: 8/2014 OW revealed 10/2014 Instigated dissolution 12/2014, in progress So over it!
