KGirl - one year later

[KGirl]

Thanks, pink. I hear you on the "why are we still here if there were a lot of things that were frustrating about our M?" I remember in September 2013 (couple of months before BD) writing H a very difficult email, that I never sent, stating that I was unhappy with several things (lack of openness, preferring to spend time with friends than with me and how he'd openly say he'd rather hang out with them, as a few examples) and how if he couldn't make some changes, I didn't know if this would work long-term. Funny how after BD I forgot I was that unhappy at one point and thought our M was so awesome and how dare he leave it??

I know there are other people out there I could have a future with. It's hard to let go of the comfort and knowledge you have of someone after knowing them for so long.. it will take several years to get to that point again. I can think of two or three people off the top of my head who have told me before "if things don't work out with H... let me know." So I must be somewhat attractive (we'll go with "cute") and interesting and likeable Those particular people are married now so I will not be letting them know, but there's got to be more out there! I don't feel comfortable dating (or that I'll attract the right type of people) until I am D'ed, which is going to be beginning of May at the earliest now, if H actually files in early January. Still nothing from him.. it would be pretty DB-y (the other DB) of him to let me know today that he did it on Friday, given what today is (below).

Because of our more recent interactions I keep finding myself looking to my phone for a text or an email from him... grrr. Need to find more things to do, I guess. I have this week off for work and no real plans except for today and then Christmas day so I need to get creative, or perhaps make a day trip somewhere. Today is my birthday and I'm looking forward to all the messages and facebook posts - the ones so far have been pretty great. One of my closest friends, who is moving back to my state in January, said "you've been to h*ll and back this year, but still managed to handle it all with grace, poise, strength, and courage." I wonder if I'll get any messages from H. Last year to my confusion he actually gave me a gift that he ordered after BD O_o so who knows.