MOVING UP MOVING ON

[Ambivalent]

Hey J

No I don't believe it was . I'll never know. His industry downsizes a lot. Last Monday was a court date to finally get the PL order accepted. His attorney and he were playing games for months. She wouldn't return my lawyer's calls. The agreement never got signed. Judge wouldn't force the issue. Next hearing on this is March. UUUUUgh.

H. is feeling cocky and shoving it in my face. The judge concurred there was an agreement due to the e-mails back and forth. The law is black and white on this, no signature and you can't force it.
His company automatically deposited into my account. We were living as if it were filed. The judge admonished him to pay support for December or he'll hear an emergency PL in January.
Now he says there was never an agreement and he just paid the exact amount to which we agreed, from his benevolence!

His new job pays less base pay. So he smugly has reduced the support. Wrote out a formula, deducted insurances, and has reduced it by a thousand dollars.
He "told" me a judge will not consider his commissions or bonus as part of his earnings. He has instructed me to get a job, and if I don't have one by the divorce proceedings he'll request the judge to impute an income to me. He also asked the court for fees and costs, due to his "waste of time on Monday "

It seems as if every communication he has to say something snide, ugly, or condescending. For someone who is " happy, content even..." he sure behaves ugly and as if he is angry. He hates that I've an attorney, and hates that he can't control that I disagree with choices .

He doesn't like when I call him to task for his behavior, and is behaving as if he is this benevolent husband. " I paid you what I did, because it was the right thing to do "

He refers to me and my attorney as painting him as a "Cad" We could continue to "argue" about what is owed and he wouldn't pay me anything 'til the hearing in March!

Why he believes that I don't know what the judge told him about support, is beyond me. He thinks because I wasn't in court, my attorney isn't going to tell me what happened?

I've noticed he keeps trying to triangulate and come between my attorney . He did this with my best friend as well, years ago.

He still tries to bait me, intimidate, and bully. His last attorney declined to be of service to him any longer. His new attorney is known as lazy ( do as little as possible ). This translates into "cheaper" than the last. We'll see.

I find this process tiring and I'm sick of it all. Dealing with someone who wants to punish you and reprimand, is exhausting.

I know who he is, what he's done, and find him to be dishonorable, insecure, petulant, dishonest, and ugly.

Now I've also had to deal with my mother in all of this. She has some major issues, always had. I never wanted to come to her, and I've tried to keep contact to a minimum.

Recently we had a phone conversation. During it my cell got disconnected. It was the worst time. She asked me how much H. was now giving me. The last time we had a conversation about support, I told her I didn't want to share that, it was something I wasn't comfortable discussing. She pushes, pushes, and pushes. Doesn't respect boundaries.

When asked again about this new support, the phone died. I called her back last night on my way to a pot luck. She has decided that I lied to her, and that because my kids don't want to see her, that I never told them she wanted to see them. I did and several times.
Now she also told me I don't like her ...yadda . This was true, but I wasn't going to say that, it's not respectful.

I said I'm sorry you think I lied to you about the phone, and that I haven't told the girls you want to see them. I told her exactly what happened. I told her they don't want to include her in their lives. At that point she told me she knows I lied to her! Uuuuuugh...I'm done.

My mother is very manipulative, and my older sister too has now excluded her from her life. My mother calls her children and tries to get information from them due to my sister not returning calls.

I shared with her that she doesn't respect boundaries, and when I say I don't want to share, she still pushes. I cannot prove a negative ( the disconnection )and I really don't need this crap right now. She told me she 'gifted' the money she gave me , and if I didn't want to be in contact that was fine.

I hated coming to her in the first place, I've tried to keep her abreast with a weekly call. I never wanted to open Pandora's box for these reasons. At this point I'm not calling her anymore with updates. If she wants something she may call. She is a very toxic person, always has been, and old age has not mellowed her one bit. I do like her feistiness, and strength. That's about it.

I know I sound negative, but I'm so sick of people choosing this time of year to be so ugly. It's the " I'm miserable, so you should be miserable too syndrome. ".

Couple the above with me being sick and you have a beaten down gal here.

Daughter number one is acting her usual self. She has chosen to keep her distance since before Thanksgiving. I let her know she was loved, welcome , and she doesn't have to choose between her father and I. Crickets. Oh well, I'll just give her space and enjoy a little less drama. She doesn't like that I won't give her my phone number. I explained why I wouldn't give it to her or her sister, but that means nothing to her. She wants what she wants and now she is punishing me for it. Emotional blackmail is rampant!!!
UUUUUGH, this is what her dad does too.

I'm trying to be open, share my feelings even if uncomfortable. I want to break the cycle of passive aggression and conditional affection which is so prevalent in both my H's and my families. My kids are adults and I don't want to " Mommy " them, just have an adult relationship. Accept who they've become and just love them.

So far Christmas will be the same as last year. Bro-in-law, D-2, and myself.

Here is a weird but nice thing. My H's very affluent Aunt sent me a check for 500.00! She normally sends everyone, H's sister's and brother's a check. Usually it is sent to H, in his name. Remember last year? Anyhooo, this year to my great surprise, she sent it to me.

I did write her a brief note to let her know of the sitch. I didn't want all the relatives sending things to him at my address and for him to get things in a timely fashion. I told her I wasn't going to teach my kids to hate him nor would I speak ill of him to the family.
It was brief, and she said to think about how "serious" divorce was! Hahaha! I couldn't go there with her, just let her know I had to protect myself. I wasn't given a choice.

So this check was a huge surprise. Welcomed since the oven needs repair. It may allow the dinner for Christmas to be made! I've a Viking and the oven is spitting fire! If it costs too much to repair, I'm buying a counter top oven. No sense in repairing something I can't take with. Hopefully it won't bee too much to fix.

So that is my HUGE update. I'm trying to just function. I believe the fleas are under control. I broke down and went to the vet to get some tablets, and have done a ton of research on fleas. Vacuuming , vinegar, salt, orange oil,yup done it all!

Trying to keep a PMA, and I may get some decorating done now. Couldn't before due to the wee hopping beastiboos.


Sorry so long, needed to vent.