I'm sorry that your D9 had a meltdown, but now it sounds like she's letting all of her anger and frustration out and is starting to realize that "dad" isn't going to change back into dear old dad any time soon. It's really difficult for the children because they do not understand and, in some cases, they blame themselves for the parent walking away.

I am really sorry and concerned about her actions towards her brother and saying that she was going to hurt the both of you. She's really got some unresolved anger issues and something else is going on w/her. I do hope that whatever is going on w/her can be resolved soon. I would hate to see her labeled as a trouble kid in school.

I'm glad you have a friend that you can reach out to and talk to. You need someone that you can rely on and who will be there no matter what w/o judgment. Family is okay, but they want you to move on like yesterday and it doesn't work that way, especially when there are children involved. You'll know when you are ready to date.

As for your h, I could throttle him for not wanting to see the children at Christmas. It's a special time of the year and your children are young and need to be able to share their holiday and excitement w/their parents. He'll regret his actions one day.

Try to enjoy your time away. If, at all possible, leave the mlcing jerk, back at home and relax a bit. Travel safely.

Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.