Married fast? Too late? Completely stuck :/

[Complex]

Thanks for your reply Sandy2. I appreciate all of them a lot.

We were only together 1.25 years before we got married. Not even a year before engagement. She is 28 I'm 32 now.

I made mistakes behause I guess I'm just inexperienced to deal with this kind of issue. I had breakups but being married is a whole different league. But I still acted stupid, begging, talking to much, trying to convince her with my views and all that. All the things that either don't help or make things worse. Only my research online showed me that you basically have to do the opposite, which is totally against human nature haha. But my understanding is on a different level and I learn more every day. But it's hard still, very hard.

You're so right, we have to learn a lot to work together but we failed. We are both pretty stubborn in general which didn't help. We were fighting for our opinion all the time. Not about serious things, completely random sht. We didn't work together well at all whatever it was bc both of us just want stuff to be done our way. It was kind of a problem. I started to give in more and try to respect her more. Guess I didn't do that enough. But she doesn't respect me enough anymore at all seems like.

And yes, she wraps it nicely that she doesn't want me anymore because she doesn't want to hurt me. I want to tell her to open up to me and stop pretending things and get the facts out because I'm sick of it and at least want to be treated with honesty and respect. That's the least she can do.

I'm completely stuck still and don't know where this is going.

She obviously fell in love with me. If she says anything else I'd think she's just rewriting history to match her current feelings. But what do I know after all.

My game plan is to take care of myself, work hard to be able to keep myself in the US and build my own life here. Also not let her be in charge of all this anymore, I'm sick of it. I want to be in charge of this whole situation now. Separate for real, detach and try to stay occupied bc we stil have to live together. And then all I can do is see if she just went through a stupid phase or if it wasn't meant to be. I have hopes still, but who knows...

One thing I got myself clear: I do NOT want the old relationship back. If we have a single chance it's that we both grow from this, become better people and see the things in each other like we used to and start from scratch, with a whole different mindset and full respect for each other etc... Time will show but I secretly wish so badly that we will eventually get another chance one day, bc I truly love her.