Continuing DBing after the affair

[PeterV2]

twinmom, she's not cake eating. The affair is over. She's moved back home. She's still fighting her demons, dealing with her guilt, I believe. She hasn't mentioned "my bad behaviour" for a month. I think it was a phase she was going through.

She's still suffering from depression which she has been dealing with for the past 5 years, clinical depression - complex PTSD. But things have been better since she moved back home. She's not as anxious and is getting more peace and healing time.

I'm not being a doormat. I'm volitionally choosing to change my way of thinking.

I never accused her of cheating before her affair.

Setting myself up for heartbreak? Oh, come on. Been there, done that. My heart's been broken for a year. What I'm trying to do is fix it. And being suspicious and untrusting has only caused me unnecessary grief and hardship. My imagination goes wild and raises my blood pressure; I lose sleep; I'm all screwed up. And then when she get's home she tells me all these innocuous things about her shopping trip and her girlfriends. So I'm getting all wound up over nothing. She was never a good liar and I got to know when she was with the OM. Every time should would have an anxiety attack right after. She hasn't had one of those since May, so I truly believe the A is over.

I'm just still dealing with the ghosts. That's what I'm trying to exorcise with this change of thinking.

As for the porn, I can do without it. Just was a bad habit. I'd rather prepare myself for the coming reconciliation and the great sex that will bring. I need to respect her feelings about porn, which in the past I didn't validate. I've read the posts from various women on this forum and I can see what they're talking about (Goatgirl, sandi, etc.)

My W is not asking me to do this. This is my own idea.