I read your post. You are in a tough spot for sure. I feel your pain.
The first message you will get will be to detach and Get A Life (GAL). That means tying to ignore him, ignore his reckless decisions, don't contact him, don't text him, don't call him, don't pursue, don't beg, don't plead. Like many people, I broke all of these rules when my WAW dumped me. It took a good two months for me to even to function again at the base level (eating, sleeping, going to work, taking care of my kids, etc...). I am now at month 3 since the AB was dropped. I can talk to my WAW now about kids stuff, but not much else. As long as she is in the affair fog, there is no communication that will really get through to them.
My WAW is like a pod person when I talk to her. So, following the DB principals, I don't initiate any conversations that deal with our R, her coming back, getting her head out of her a$$, etc...
As I have been informed, this is marathon and it takes a lot of patience. Let him experience his messed up choices, and the impact it will have on his life. It will be hard for him too even though he is probably too full of his own chit to comprehend.
Anyway, keep posting, let us know how you are doing.
