My waking nightmare

[Lorelai]

Whoa--did I have a rough night last night. My goodness!!!!! Told my sister what H said about never being fully "free" from me. And she was like, Umm, so what brought all this on. I told her I initiated a R talk and became very agitated during the conversation and angry and she was like "yeah, don't do that anymore!" AKA—STOP going down the cheeseless tunnels!

I had a very nice conversation with my MIL this morning in which I apologized for being rude with her on the phone yesterday. I have this impression that my in-laws don't care and that they just want to move on and have everything tied in a neat little bow, but that is very destructive mind-reading on my part. Yesterday my MIL invited me and the kids over for Christmas Day without H. She said, "Just tell him he has to stay at the house" while you come. I was not in the best of moods when she said that and I told her we'd already been invited to a friend's house later in the day so we couldn't make it, then she was like OK, but I would like to see you and the kids alone during the holidays. I was so mean, guys, not my best moment. I told her it probably wouldn't be possible because we had a lot going on and that frankly I was hurt that I wasn't being included in the main Christmas Eve celebration with everyone else.

This morning I called MIL and apologized and told her we would be happy to come Christmas Day. This is not her fault. She's trying to have a relationship with me while her son goes through whatever it is he's going through. And yes, her loyalties are going to be with her son, that's her child! I'm trying to imagine a scenario where an adult S3 or D1.5 shows up at my door (and I hope I'm able to teach them the right relationship/communication skills so that this doesn't happen!) as a WAS. Do I turn them away? Do I tell them to get their butts home and work on their marriage? Or do I take them in my arms and hug them and give them my support and maybe only share my opinion when I feel the time is right, but for the most part just let them know they're loved no matter what. It's the latter!

And that's what I need to remember when I get SO MAD at my in-laws. This is not their fault. It's the result of two people who came together without the right skills for a healthy relationship.