At some point, B, you have got to put in a boundary else stay in this mode for a very long time. Reading your posts, she is taking advantage of you at every turn possible. That's important in the sense that you're trying to deal fairly (I respect and applaud the idea) with her, while she and OM are trying to take advantage of your generosity and kindness.
That's important in the sense that you're trying to treat her like a business partner, when she is not being partner material.
You're grasping for the idea if something is reasonable or not.
Seems reasonable to me that she had an affair, left, wanted out, and now wants her cake too. I see that stuff all the time.
Seems reasonable to me that you wouldn't give it to her on her terms. Not caustic, but just that you will figure out your absolutes and defend them to the end of time.
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I could not care less about the money or the CS but the clause in the papers stating the boys had to finish school in this district was a huge issue for me. It is now in writing that she can't pack up and move away and end our 50-50 time split with the boys.
It's obvious you don't care about he money. It's obvious you want her to be able to have part time with the kids. She obviously wants to take advantage of that.
What kind of person takes advantage of you for that?
What kind of person has an affair with a married woman and then threatens or tries to goad the H into an confrontation?
Having lived some of what you describe, it seems to me that you're just not sure yet a) what you'll absolutely not give up i.e. not everything is clear in that realm b)what is the "decent" thing to do that you can live with and c) you seem to think she'll "co-parent" with you as long as you bend over backward to give her what she wants.
Pay back support? Pay "princess" things that she feels entitled to in order to keep the peace?
You have no peace, bdub. I get what you're doing and why. Your kids are very important to you.
So the question to figure out is if you can get your kids with what you're doing.
Can you? Or is that not going to be possible if you play this out?
I've been there bdub. I have. I've done much of what you describe (shorter timeline) until it dawned on me that I didn't need to suffer for her actions any longer. Until I realized that there would be a time to deal with OM, but it wasn't now. Until I realized I mattered in the conversation and there was a better way to deal with things, even if I had to go to court or lose everything.
Where are you in that journey?
AJ
P.S. The OM, while a POS, is not the issue. No need to deal with that for now. Trust me when I tell you, he'll get what he deserves at a later date and if you totally ignore him, it'll happen faster.
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
