Married fast? Too late? Completely stuck :/

[Complex]

I'm still on vacation and won't be able to get any help from here at all. But there are so many questions as I mentioned earlier and my mind is still all over the place. I feel like I'm a better person than ever but I just don't have my feelings under control and I'm seriously depressed and totally stuck of how to handle the whole situation and have no idea what all this means ..