My story of WAH

[seaspin]

I had some thoughts... If I think of H as hurt and afraid, I actually feel some compassion towards him. He's doing the best he can with the situation.

Recently, he moved into a 2 bedroom apt vs a 1 bedroom. He wanted the kids to be able to move around more easily. He also wants to buy them proper beds, not just an air mattress and couch. I've been feeling reluctant to let him use "joint money" to pay for his new life with the thought that "it's not fair", he should use his own personal $ for his new life.

However, with this sense of compassion I am feeling at the moment toward him, I wonder if my attitude is wrong. Should I instead be affirming how great it is that he was thinking about the children when he upgraded to a larger apartment, how it's great that he wants to provide for their needs by giving them their own room with a real bed (not air mattress), etc? His LL is words of affirmation. I feel the desire to affirm him, yet I wonder if it would be like agreeing that it's ok to leave us. A 180 for me would be affirming, but is it appropriate in this instance?

My fear is being too nice and being taken in, but I don't want to have an unforgiving spirit toward him. It feels like a hard balance.